Single Man Describes Love to Couple

The wedding of Tara and Josh.  May 26th 2012

Who gives this woman to be married? – Levi Simmons

Hold on tight to each other, don’t worry you won’t have to remember
anything I say, you just have to answer correctly when I ask direct

We are gathered here on this incredible day in this incredible spot to
bare witness to the very special wedding of Tara Simmons to Joshua

I am Patrick Melroy and these two people have asked me to stand with
them on this amazing day. This is a beautiful setting and it is
wonderful to be invited here by this couple who have created such an
amazing event.

I agreed to be their officiant on one account, that they would not let
my speech get rained out. They have asked all of you here today
because like most things in their lives it feels better when they can
share it with people who know them and love them. You are about to see
the complete and total change, from two single people into the ever
more magical and rarer marriage.

They have brought friends and family together to proclaim their love
for one another and establish a permanent bond between each other.
How would two people bond themselves together… this is how…, you
declare it in public under a giant bridge on the shore of a giant
river. They have decided from now on they will live their lives
completely together and with out reservation or hesitation.
Tara you will find new things in this man every day. Josh you will
need to make new this world for your wife every day. Tara you will
have to provide the same in return. Newness is about perception,
newness can be seeing the same old thing just from a different point
of view. Like your relationship, yesterday, people saw you as
individuals, but after today they will see you very differently, you
will be married, that is new, the two of you are now new.
You must both strive to thrill in the smallest moments, rise above the
scary moments, and celebrate the big moments. Grasp each other with
everything you have and run out into the world like you have just been
let out on permanent recess. This world is always better, richer,
brighter, more meaningful when you have a “someone”

Someone to explain it to, someone to share it with, someone to stand
near when the surprises show up and someone to stand in front of you
when you need a shield. We all need people, we all need others who
will give to us with out the least concern of running out of gifts to
give. We must take from one another that which is offered, we must
accept the love and support regardless if we feel worthy of that love
and support.

The very nature of a marriage is selflessness. There can be no selfish
act, no self preservation, no hiding away some privilege or personal
agenda. That is what the rest of the world is for, your marriage will
be the place in which you can be truly safe and sound. Hiding anything
from your spouse is like hiding engine problems from your mechanic,
they can’t fix your engine if you keep asking for a carwash.
There is no-one else in your life that will love and support you the
way this person will. If you doubt that, just try it… give over to the
thought of being completely present with them in your home, give them
the privilege of supporting you in decisions and direction, give the
other person that same support, give up your desire to be right in
favor of your desire to be loved. Again…Give up being right in favor
of being loved.

Being right means nothing if it is at the cost of feeling cherished,
you should strive to be loved and right, but given the choice, go with
loved, you can try being right with strangers… but they don’t bring
you the first warm cookie from the oven.

You both know what it feels like to be alone, now discover the
overwhelming brilliance of being together. Being right means nothing
if it is at the cost of the most important person in your life. What
task have you ever done that couldn’t have been easier or more
fulfilling if you had been able to share it, this new husband and wife
will be that, they will be the difference between getting the job done
and living the job to be done.

You are alive and you are together and that is far more than any of us
could expect. We all hope to find the happiness of mythical dreams we
imagined when we were children, those thoughts of how perfect our
worlds would be,     no-one would ever get old or fat or boring, but
how dare we expect it, how dare we write expectations for a world so
broad and so ruthless and hard to survive. How could we think we
deserve the load to be lightened. The most you could ever hope, would
to be good enough, strong enough, brave enough, fearless enough, to
lift the burden… of someone else.

Rewards come in every form. But loving someone so hard that they can’t
breath under the weight of your kindness, that is a reward.

Find one person and hold the weather off them, hold back the entire
negative mountain of doubt which prevails in our contemporary lives,
blow apart the dark and let the light shine on your lover’s sweet face
and they will always know that you did that for them, not for self,
not for greed, not for fame, not even because you wanted it, but
because loving you that big allows them to know grac. Make a marriage
in which both people are rushing to lighten the load, rushing to ease
the pain of the past, you put two people together with that mission
and you will have a marriage which will last forever.

None of us got here alone, none of us will ever aspire for solitary
confinement. When you are married solitary confinement becomes
impossible, which is not to say you should not take a walk away from
the dirty diapers and laundry once in a while,
but in a marriage you can not be confined to loneliness. Your spouse
will always be your spouse, even a thousand miles away, you are loved
and missed. It is good to be missed, you should all miss someone right
now just for a second. I know both Tara and Josh are missing some very
important people from being here, but I can assure you, the news of
this wedding has reached them.

The people we lose are never truly lost if we continue to miss them.
Just as a person can never be truly alone if they are missed by their

Marriage is a state of being, you can not be sorta married, you can
not be sorta in love.

This marriage is about the creation of new things. This marriage will
be unique and individual to these two people. They will have the
privilege of creating their own family, building the identity that
this new family will be know for, they will have the chance to
envision a bright future and then manifest it. Tara and Josh will
become engineers of their own happiness, building on each success, and
boldly risking to discover every great and magical possibility that
has been waiting for them.

Fairy tales are for children, this is better, this marriage will meet
and set its own standards. You don’t need to compare this to any
marriage which has ever been seen in the movies or books, this one is
better, its real, made up of two very real people who will surprise
all of us, they will be the stars of their own narrative, they will
rewrite the fairy tale to meet their needs. Some times they will fight
dragons, and sometimes they will play in waterfalls, but they will
always share the highs and lows, though I imagine even the lows aren’t
really so low, I mean at least they don’t live in California.

On Wednesday I was working with 4th 5th and 6th graders at the Art
Museum in Santa Barbara, they were there to make art, and the entire
time I was thinking of Tara and Josh, I met Tara when we were in 5th
grade. On Wednesday the slightly taller more sophisticated girls
tortured the slightly less aware boys. I imagined seeing these
children again 25 years later, I would never have imagined that my
friend would grow into such a wonderful loving mother and companion,
and I doubt that had I played on the elementary school fields with
josh that I would have pictured him standing here now, marrying this
tyrant I knew in 5th grade. You don’t plan lives like this, you hope
for half the happiness these two have and you settle for a quarter.
They are lucky they got the full amount, they got a full helping of
happiness and joy and now they have chosen to share with all of us. We
are all lucky to know them and they are lucky to know each other.

The vows:

The Crowd:
I would like everyone here to do more than just witness this wedding.
I am placing a task upon you, it will remain your responsibility to
watch over this marriage. You as their friends and family must stand
behind them, give them strength when they need it. Give them
everything they need, and take from them what they give to you. Show
them kindness and protection. Guard them from evil and treat sacred
what they have created in each other. Please answer this next question
together in one voice with one loud “WE DO” Will you the people most
important to this couple, watch over them, guide them, and keep them

I have Rings.

Tara, look at this man and repeat after me. Josh I pick you to be my
husband, I will not stop loving you, I will be your wife today and for
every day after. I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.  Place
the ring on his finger.

Josh face this woman, and repeat after me. Tara I pick you to be my
wife. I will not stop loving you, I will be your husband today and for
every day after. I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.    Place
the ring on her finger.

Turn and face me. Do you Josh Nathan take this woman to be your wife
to have and to hold from this day forward? He Did.

Do you Tara Simmons take this man to be your husband to have and to
hold from this day forward? She did.

On behalf of the State, your families, your community, I pronounce you

Husband and Wife.

Josh, for the first time ever, kiss your wife.

Ladies and gentlemen please rise with me and welcome a very new thing
It is my great honor to introduce to you Mr & Mrs. Joshua Nathan

Presided over by The Reverend Patrick D Melroy


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