Anxiety? Hum a few Bars wouldya?

I know about the chemical and biological reasons my chest gets tight when I think about that silly Collections Agent who keeps calling from Florida about some random 240 dollars he keeps telling me I owe him. I know why my body has a physical response to this thought, I just don't know why I choose to embrace that sensation of stress. Why do I associate this completely abstract relationship, a computer file titled PATRICK MELROY, with the very real dread of being hit by a car? They just are not the same thing, but my body keeps putting itself through it.

It’s funny to spend so much of my time feeling bad about something that just isn't anything. Not the bill in Florida, forget about that, I will pay that on payday and be done with it. It will cost me over twenty percent of my pay check for something that essentially comes down to me not communicating with another human, even though it was their mistake. There just isn't anyway for me to change that now. Sometimes even when you are right you pay the price of being wrong because the world doesn't have a large thresh hold for the individual. No the real stress seems to be coming from a complete lack of jokes.

I need humor, it’s the greatest moment in any day, the moment someone cracks me up with the simplest and smartest of well placed phrases. I just need to get my belly laughing and giggling and cheering for the joy of a sunny day. No one wants me to be unhappy, even that guy in Florida doesn't want me to be unhappy. He doesn't even know me. But everyone around me is lifting their heavy boots and dragging them from one boring moment to the next. Where are the banana peals when you need them? We need them. Cue the 1970's monkey buddy comedy.

Speaking of the 1970's, start it from nothing. did not exist two years ago and it just sold for hundreds of millions of dollars. Please if you do nothing else, join a group of people who are trying to do something that hasn't been done yet. We already know how to feel sad and broke lets try feeling funny and sexy. Its free, even if you are still sad and broke, laugh at it, because once you fall down, its a lot better to stand back up than keep laying there on the ground re-evaluating how you got there.

I know this sounds sad, but lets just reflect on fish tacos for a moment. I was just in the office of Robin (see below) she brought up a very good point. Any day you end at 5:30 with two fish tacos covered in pineapple riding shotgun to a salt-rimmed margarita, is a day worth repeating. Almost any bad situation can be made better with the mixture, fish tacos and margaritas. The right thing to do is go up and down the coast every day ordering fish tacos and margaritas until you find the best combo. When you do text Robin and she will be there lickety split.
Don Winslow, a very good writer, argues in his book "Dawn Patrol" that "...everything is better with a tortilla wrapped around it..." I challenge anyone to prove Don or myself, who agrees completely with this, in any way wrong. You won't, but we will end up eating a lot of fish tacos, clever challenge huh?

I have struggled for years balancing my anxiety with my daily decision making, the problem is, both those activities occur in the same place in my brain. I need to appreciate "this" and stop letting "that" get all over me and my day. I got to pitch for my softball team on Saturday. There was a beautiful moment when I was standing in front of my eight other teammates, staring down the batter from the Lutz tavern, and they were all waiting to see what I would pitch. And they all wanted me to succeed, and I wanted to succeed for them. But it was living, no way around it. I had placed myself in the right place and it worked, the only worry I had was getting the ball over the plate, no anxiety for life, just the joy of the moment. Like falling down, it’s not why you fall, it’s the act of falling that makes getting up so magnificent. Get up, it’s worth it.
Patrick Melroy

Robin Gerstenfeld: artist and friend. I like knowing Robin, she has the ability to speak clearly with a great deal of care, and never speak badly of anyone or any situation. It inspires me to clean up what I am saying and how I am saying it. Both of us will see less of each other in the near future which is sad, but for the right reasons. She too will be leaving her job at PNCA for new adventures, which I can't wait to hear about. Knowing Robin is a lot like knowing the town sheriff. Robin is the Sheriff of PNCA, she is fair, it’s the best way I can say it, but she sees everything that happens in her town and she keeps the peace best she can. But just like the Sheriff in your hometown she has a bigger identity, one that extends far beyond her daily duties. PNCA is losing a great pillar of its staff community and the world is gaining a free agent with possibly more unharnessed potential than any single human should be allowed to possess. I know few people who I trust as much as Robin I doubt that would change at all even if I lived a thousand years, which is my estimation of how long it will take PNCA to find someone as good.


  1. After some brief research I found that my original source of the age of at publish date was incorrect. This article identifies Zappos as founded in 1999. I believe my point is still valid. PM


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